Tension

I have this co-worker who, I would say 90% of the time can’t take anything I give her graciously. Almost every time I give her something she tells me what she doesn’t like about it. Yesterday it happened again when I gave her some mochi. She told me she doesn’t like the anko I put inside. I knew it was coming too as soon as she opened her mouth.

But here’s the thing, something about that transaction bothered me inside. It wasn’t till I was about to fall asleep that I realized I had some sort of anxiety/shame over it.

Maybe I feel ashamed that I didn’t have the courage to say anything to her. I made those mochi. I spent half my New Years Eve making it. I felt anxiety because I have to deal with this the next time I get her something. I am anticipating it. I shouldn’t have let my anxiety hook onto a thought and run away with it. But it happened last night and caused me to not sleep well.

I guess I’m tired of feeling that nothing I do is good enough for her. Why do I have to feel accepted by her?

Is this me overthinking the situation?

Maybe I’m bringing it up to just cause drama. Or maybe I’m bringing it to my attention because I’ve never met anyone like her.

I know I should say something, but I just don’t. I’m afraid though, that this is spilling over-I’ve reached my tolerance limit and will lash out. I’m trying to not do that.

So the only option is to stop and breathe when this happens again. Which might be by the end of this month…

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