A partner is someone you have absolute trust in. They adore you for who you are. They may not know all the odds and ends of your soul, but they handle it with love. They understand the way you think and the actions you carry out. They are the ones who bring you up, support your dreams and desires. They make you laugh and cry and feel all sorts of crazy. They make your fear walls creep up, your Ego walls try to climb higher because they are your ultimate protectors against making you feel anything but happy, in-love, ethereal, blissful, and all the other adjectives for awesome. You break down those walls because you know love is divine and a process and you don’t enter your relationship garden with it being lush, bountiful, and beautiful – no, you create that garden through the toil of communication, reciprocation, acts of kindness, trust, love. Not just any love, real love.
Have you ever asked someone who had a boyfriend or girlfriend why they were in that relationship? Or did you trust that they already knew what they were doing so there was no need to ask?
We are never taught how to love, what to expect from love, or really what love is. Can you define it? Can anyone truly define love? And yet it’s expected of us to fall in love, marry, have kids, and live that Disney happily ever after. We are expected to know who that “one” is. We are expected to not have any problems within our relationship…because if you have a problem you’re totally with the wrong person.
This isn’t for everyone, but there’s also this expectation that your partner is supposed to fulfill your desires, your dreams, your wishes, all your wants, your needs. But we forget that you, I, are the only ones who can fulfill those desires and find that inner peace.
When your partner betrays you, when they lie, when they are a narcissist and when they cheat. When they emotionally become unavailable and withdraw and would rather spend time with those who make them forget their inner fears. When your partner is on a one track highway and can’t look at themselves and their wrongs in all the mess that lay before or behind them. When your partner truly excludes real red flags and when they are unrecognizable because their character has changed so much, that’s a good place to stop and step back. Think about what is happening. When the lines of communication are not open, issues arise and there could be real tension.
But of course, when this happens, and this can happen to any relationship, not just your significant other, that person lashes out because the Ego and that fear is protecting you. Instead of telling them to take the back seat, you let it drive.
I had an instance a while ago where something similar happened. The person she was with is still on her Facebook while she kicked me off. Her excuse was, “because I told her to ‘get over it’.” My family and really close friends all told me that that isn’t something I would say.
And it’s not. I asked her, “Could you get over it.” But she took only what she wanted to hear and left. But she’s still got her ex on her Facebook because she wants to keep tabs on him. I know her well enough to know that.
I have no energy left for this post. It’s literally draining me as I sit here and try to write.