The wrong advice

If there isn’t enough passion on both ends it will not work out.

What about love? What about trust and faith? I have learned that passion is fleeting. In a good, stable relationship, you can’t let passion determine everything.

I will be honest about therapy though. That seems like something for married couples with more at stake. I wouldn’t invest too much money into it. 

I have come to understand that therapy is for those who want to understand what it means to be who you are. Therapy isn’t for judgement. Therapy is not the media. It’s about you and your relationship with others which ties back to your relationship with yourself. It is not for married couples. It’s for anyone who seeks help because they cannot help themselves anymore. Therapy is a gift. What do you fear in seeing a therapist?

My things with [her] is a bit different. Its true I don’t feel as passionate however we do literally everything together. Have lots of nerdy things in common/do together. Games, costume making, similar interests. We also just don’t have any fights, or anything similar like when you and derrick didn’t speak while at a wedding.

I will talk to her eventual, but things are fine. I just don’t think i’m the marriage type , which [is] why I don’t really see her as the one, nor do i see myself ever getting married.

Four years in a relationship and you’ve never had a fight? Tell me who is more passive and throwing shit under their rug. Also you have a lot of nerdy in common things together and you do a lot together. That is wonderful. But tell me what sort of dreams you have that you want to achieve together. Tell me what you love about her when she’s sad. Tell me what you don’t have in common but support each other with anyways because it makes the other person happy. Tell me how your relationship feels like what you see in a movie or TV show.

Tell me why waste four years with someone you don’t see as the person you want to spend the rest of your life with if everything is great. Tell me why you don’t want to get married. Tell me what do you fear?

After this many years with him I think you should have an instant answer if you would be  truly happy and content being married/being life partners. If there is doubt, no amount of rationale, or letting more time fix it will change that.

No, there is no instant answer. This isn’t a movie or an anime. This is real life where feelings and emotions change like the tide. There is no 100% guarantee that everything you do in your life will have zero doubt hovering in the back seat. It’s a huge life changing experience which will bring about even more huge life-changing experiences. To doubt is to be human.

You doubt you are the marrying type but still choose to be in a long term relationship. Plus you doubt she is the one for you though you make it seem like she’s perfect and all you need is that extra oomph of passion to make things 100% normal.

Time will fix doubt because “to doubt” means “to explore” which means you have to do some serious exploring within yourself which takes Time.

Let me say this again. There is no instant answer. It takes time, patience, a lot of insight, love, understanding, and kindness to find the answer in your heart.

When you hurt, explore why. When you’re hurting, be compassionate towards that person. Reach out your hand. Tell me it will be okay. Let them know you care.

Don’t respond with what was given to me in red. Tell the hurting person to explore why they all of a sudden feel this way. See if there’s a pattern. Let them know you are there for them.

But don’t fill their heads with the crap you see and hear in the media. Don’t fill their heads with the quotes you see on your phone.

Listen. Open your heart. Dive deep. Apologize. Show compassion.

Show love.

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