I don’t often take someone’s advice to heart. I merely listen, maybe comment, maybe think a little about what they said, and either take their advice or go with my gut.
Let me say this: Always go with your gut.
Over a year ago I fought with my now ex best friend (Lets call her Lorraine). I wanted my e-mail to fuck her up. I also wanted my e-mail to tell her I cared. I combined both in the e-mail and then made the mistake of telling my other friend about it. Let’s call her Sarah.
I told Sarah my mail had F*** YOU written all over it. But that I did put down how I felt and why I felt the way I did, and how I should have been a better friend to Lorraine. Sarah told me I wasn’t a mean person. To let it go to the Universe. That I should treat people how I wanted to be treated.
But Sarah only knew what I told her. She didn’t read the seven paragraphs I created in under an hour after I got Lorraine’s mean e-mail. All Sarah could say was if I wanted to be mean go ahead and be mean, blah, karma, you’re nice, blah, how would you feel, blah. If it’s the truth, say the truth, but your truth doesn’t have to be mean.
So in the end, I decided to tell the good truth. The truth that hurt me. The truth that was already mixed in with the “f*** you” truth.
And guess what guys? It backfired! I was told by Lorraine I was fake and she didn’t have time for someone who didn’t care about our friendship.
Beyond mad, I decided to not comment back.
A year later Lorraine got back to me. And guess what guys, she didn’t change one bit! It was the same old, “you don’t have feelings, but I do, so let me tell you why you hurt me. Forget about what I did to you forever. It’s all about me.”
At that moment I let her go. And Sarah told me something like she trained me too hard. But what does that matter? I did what Sarah thought was best for me, and it backfired. I totally regret not sending Lorraine that e-mail letting her know how I really felt. I don’t care if the truth hurts, it’s better than would have, should have, and could have. Lorraine sat there and told her truth, why am I not entitled to mine? Why wasn’t I allowed to tell her my truth?
All because I took advice from someone who will never say everyone should think or do things her way (and won’t believe she feels that way), but presses onto others what she thinks is the correct way. Will talk and pry into other’s business to know what’s going on. To help. I’m still friends with Sarah. I take her advice with a grain of salt now because I am learning to listen to myself.
I still regret not telling Lorraine how I felt. I regret not listening to how I felt. I let both of them walk all over me, even in the end. Even when I was ready to say, “Enough.”
(In response to the Daily Post Weekly Writing Challenge, “Dear Abby”)