Insecure

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“Are you insecure?” He asked behind those dark glasses. The sound of cars rushing by coupled with the busy every day sounds of people hurrying past street lights did not diminish the question. Even the radio couldn’t cut the question in half.

“No. I’m just jealous,” I answered though not convinced.

“I see.”

‘Am I insecure?’ I asked myself. “I’m not insecure because they’ve been together for so long.”

Silence. In silence you always find answers you may not want to hear aloud. ‘Am I insecure?’ I asked myself again.

“Maybe. Maybe it’s not me being jealous. Maybe I am insecure.” I acknowledged my truth in front of him.

“Why is that?” He causally threw back.

“Well. I don’t know her very well.”

“She’s dating your friend whom you’ve known since high school. You’re going to be seeing her a lot more once she’s done with school. There’s nothing to be insecure about.” He gently reminded me.

“I know. But I just don’t know her mannerisms. I don’t know her as  a person.”

“So what if Kari asked what Stacey did. Would you be okay with that?”

“Oh course! I know Kari much better! Stacey is so pretty. She’s got a good body too.” I admitted.

“Ohhh, I see.” He said with a smile. “So you are insecure. But because of how she looks–”

“And because I don’t know her,” I butted in.

“You have nothing to worry about. Relax. And, you’re talking about something you can change. You can always work on making your body better. Just make sure you do it the healthy way. Don’t starve yourself,” He smiled. ‘Yeah, I won’t be like Stacey,’ I reminded myself.

We hugged.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“You don’t need to say you’re sorry,” He replied. “You’re fine.”

Sometimes it takes another person who cares about you to make you understand that it’s okay to feel the way you do. The important part is you acknowledged it. And I have to forgive myself for letting me feel this way about an acquaintance…who happens to have been dating my friend for almost as long as the Hulk has been married. I need to stop thinking that I’ll never get to really know her. I have to give her another chance. And I forgive myself for all the things I’ve said about her. Even if she has made me feel like she doesn’t care to get to know me.

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