Grateful

It’s one of those days where I feel grateful for everyone I know, and for everyone whose helped me. I’m remembering some of the people who’ve passed on and the funny instances I’ve had with them. It makes me giggle and smile. And miss them. No matter how much time you spent with someone or an animal you cared about, there’s no way you could not miss them once they go. The saying goes, “You never appreciate it until its gone.” Even if you did appreciate it, you still miss it once its gone. Especially if it meant that much to you.

I said “I love you” plenty of times while my dog was alive. And no matter how much I said it, and no matter how comfortable I tried to make him, it just never seemed like it was enough. Towards the end I would wake up one to two times a night just to let him out in hopes he wouldn’t wet his bed. Normally this failed and I ended up washing his blankets once a day. I carried him once I knew he was getting tired. I tried my best to ensure he was more than well taken care of. But all things have to end. Eventually we had to put him down. It was such a release for me.

All things have to end. But that always means something new is beginning. Whether its good or bad I no one can say for sure. Sometimes we create our happy new beginnings, and sometimes we create sad beginnings. It depends on the person and what the Universe has to offer them.

I can sit for most of the day and play back the memories I’ve kept locked and carefully hidden away in my vast amount of storage. I can look at old pictures and remember things about that moment. This all happened in the past. And I can’t carry anyone with me into the future like I did in the past unless they are there with me to create a new future with new memories. Then we can bring up the past and laugh about it. Or cry about it. Whichever comes out first.

I wonder who will be part of my past ten years from now, and who decides to stay with me.

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