Moments

It’s funny how some wounds you thought would never heal suddenly begin to mend itself without you really knowing.

I have been sitting in the dark for several years now not understanding why you weren’t here with me to celebrate my triumphs and help me through my misery’s. There have been times where I cry simply because I miss you. Mostly at night when I lay awake and can’t sleep. The belief’s that I held so tightly are beginning to slip through my fingers. I can feel the tension easing every month.

Things that I held onto back then are meaning less and less right now.

Accepting the fact that I can’t change what happened, and knowing that you were there all along are two things I need to hold true in my heart. Only then can I move on and let go. It’s not easy, you know. It’s not easy to throw things you’re used to seeing up in the passenger seat, to the back seat. You always end up looking in your back seat for things you think you have, or to double check that you aren’t going to hit anyone.

Then what happens? You begin to get comfortable and only look in your side view mirrors. Maybe you’ll crash. But the more moments you have, the more your other moments become easier to deal with. Has “This is the worst thing that could have ever happened to me!” popped up in your mind before? Perhaps it happened when you hit another car because you relied on your side view mirrors? Then maybe a few hours, days, weeks, months, maybe years later that same sentence popped up in your mind again? All of those moments you had where you thought the world was going to end all of a sudden didn’t look so bad.

Wounds are the same way. Sometimes a wound will start out really small and begin to get deeper and deeper if you let it. The question becomes, “When do you stop it?” And when you make it stop because a moment happened the new question is, “How do you heal it?”

Most people say the same damn thing, “Time heals all wounds!” or “Things just take time,” or how about, “just let it go already,” or, and this is what I just saw on Facebook, “The soul knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind.”

Technically these answer’s aren’t wrong. Time means things are changing. New moments are occurring. And sometimes those new moments really help the other moment’s we couldn’t let go of. It’s funny how some wounds you thought would never heal suddenly begin to mend itself without you really knowing it.

I don’t know if saying, “if you really, really wanted to, you’ll move on,” or “you already know the answer, you just have to acknowledge it,” is the right or wrong thing to say when it comes to those certain moments we seem to think about over, and over again.

However, I do know that holding onto those negative emotions, thoughts, and occurrences, especially the ones you had no control over, isn’t good. And in some way, shape, or form, one day, it won’t have it’s jaws around your neck. You just have to trust that the universe will do its job, and that all things happen for a reason.

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